A four family building with a bar on the ground floor was demolished on Metropolitan Ave in Brooklyn to make way for a shiny new hipster incubator. During demolition, a map (above right) was found taped under one of the bar stools. It's said to have belonged to Hipsterpher Columbus (above left), a brave explorer from the Mid-West of the Americas who founded the neighborhood of Billyburg (some losers call it Williamsburg).

He wrote an email back to the Mid-West and got thousands of his trust funded, unwashed, totally unique, friends to make the voyage over. They cheered and immediately began having stoop sales in front of the homes previously occupied by annoying, uncool, Polish, Hispanic and Hasidic families.

Hipsterpher continued exploring and found new land such as Greenpoint, Bushwick, Gowanus, and few other fertile neighborhoods, while thousands of cool people began setting up shop back in Williamsburg. Soon all the major thoroughfares of Williamsburg were lined with internet ready coffee shops, radically insane bars, and vintage whatever stores.

They say that Hipsterpher Columbus has been searching for other neighborhoods indicated on the map by " ? ".
He reports there are a lot more people than expected in those boring areas that work, have neatly styled hair, clothes that actually fit from forbidden stores such as Macy's, Gap, and Banana Republic, and people that have their coffee "Regular???"

It will be a tough feat to overcome and destroy these un-hip neighborhoods but it must be done. However a prophetic physician and astrologer from Brooklyn named Nostranavanu Damus predicts that one day, nurses, hospital workers, city employees, teachers, and even the beloved coffee server will not be around to help the hipsters simply because they'll be living far away due to astronomical rent increases and plain old disgust. What will happen then? If you said "Who Cares!!!!", then you might be a hipster. Next PBR is on me.