Re-Opening of Ellis Island Proposal.
Posted by diehipster at 11/4/2007 5:25 PM and is filed under uncategorized 
Starting January 1st, 2008 all self proclaimed artists would have to pass through Ellis Island if trying to move here from another state.
First, they will have to pay a hipster tax of $250,000 dollars upon entering the City of New York which would go towards some good cause. Then go immediately to Ellis Island to be checked for:
- lice and bedbugs
- STD's
- shampoo/soap
- shaving supplies
- minimum of 125lb body weight (men) - 100lb (women)
- ability to do more than finger paint and call it abstract
- ability to tune a guitar
- ability to act in films that aren't entirely filmed in apartments and deserted Williamsburg alleyways
- ability to work in an industry not related to music, art, theater or fashion (Just in case)
- ability to understand that $2000 is too much for a studio, 1 bedroom, even 2 bedroom!
- ability to order hot beverages with less than 15 syllables
- at least one well known band in your i-pod
Write to your senator today.
Frankly, I think I love you. This site is a blessing. Our little neighborhood of Woodside is starting to be infiltrated by hipsters. Yesterday, one of them decided to light his cigarette in the station and RUN up the cement subway stairs (smoking like a prick and flailing his alien like arms) while hundreds of other people were slowly making their way up the stairs. The douchebag's converse hightops didn't quite grip one of the steps and he tumbled, nearly taking a geriatric with him. Douchebag. His tight pants, ironic old corduroy jacket, bare midriff, big belt buckle (pabst, i think) and dirty hair was more than I could take at 6:15PM. I yelled 'Douchebag' at him. Please God, make the hipsters go away. I blame NYU.
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I heart this site. F***ing hipster douchebags.
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As a New York native who's grandparents arrived through ELLIS ISLAND, I find it very funny, and of course VERY accurate.
Is this a virus? Can we capture a few hipsters and slice up their brains to find out what makes them so...UNHIP?
BTW I will email you a great photo of MAYNARD G KREBS, remember him from Dobie Gillis.
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Methinks U R A Freakin Genius
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