The Bicycle
Posted by diehipster at 4/17/2008 7:54 PM and is filed under uncategorized 
Honk Honk, here comes Zoey down Bedford Avenue on her bicycle trying not to get her Salvation Army dress tangled
in the spokes and gears. Ooops, vintage bicycle is what I meant to say. A modern looking bicycle does not make you
unique, the X Games are for primitive folk, light weight ten-speeds used in races are so not hip. A vintage one shows,
well you know, that you’re part of the art world. Total emissions coming from bike = ZERO. Zoey knows she is not
participating in the widening of the hole in the ozone and that makes Zoey a proud hipster. (Shhh, she doesn’t know
she is a hipster) Even though Zoey’s brother Zachery back in Minnesota is turning 17 and about to beg Daddy for a gas
guzzling SUV for his birthday, she knows that once Zachery has his liberal arts degree in hand he will trade that car for
a ticket to Brooklyn where upon arrival his beard will flourish, his hair will accumulate grease, and his clothes will get tighter
and tighter. He will finally become a man.
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The hipster believes that they can chain their bicycles to anything. I mean anything such as the front gate of a random home, a stop sign, a fire hydrant, another bicycle, a tree. Such behavior has triggered the local native youth to slash tires, urinate on the bikes, and smear dog shit on the handles. Then it’s back to Craigslist for the hipster to purchase another 1970’s two-wheeler. There have been reports and sightings of two bearded composers racing Big Wheels around the track at McCarren Park in the middle of the night. |
Think I'm kidding? Just like the Idiotarod started in San Francisco and came to Brooklyn, so will Adult Big Wheel racing.
So what will you do when you see a 30 something year old hipster transplant riding around on a 5 year old's toy?
Leave your comments please.
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I hope you do a piece on hipster pets--they do have pets right? Not purebreds, no. No way. But the animals have pretentious, ironic, goofy, whatever names like Copernicus or Roosevelt--the type of names that beg the question-why did you name him/her that? With that question, the hipster will relay some story totally devoid of wit, but will think is witty. Meanwhile, you will be hoping for an aneurysm or a kissing date with a speeding city bus--ANYTHING to put you out of your misery that is the 'witty' tale of the pet's name.
One of my lame hipster neighbors in Chicago has a dog named Inspector General. And, that's all I can say about that without wretching.
Great site, by the way. I thank you for it.
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Because of the rise of various online photo-blog and social networking sites, insights into urban hipster culture is reaching sheltered suburban audiences at an exponential rate. Cultural "norms" have been deconstructed by hipster culture as a whole and thus is effecting widespread changes in society. In a sense, hipsterism is the new mainstream, and that has led to feelings of insecurity and resentment in people who are no longer a part of the cultural ruling class. For example, a lot of anti-hipster sentiment evidently comes from "tough guy" macho types who feel that the more sensitive, intelligent, and culturally aware hipster ideal threatens their insecure sense of masculinity. Anti-hipster sentiment often comes from people who simply can't keep up with social change and are envious of those who can. Remember...you can always rate the amount of insecurity someone has by the amount they rant about hipsters.
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Come on, Trey P., admit it. You're the guy in green on the left-most bigwheel picture, right?
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Trey (chances of that being your real name)-
Its not so much "tough guys". I'd say its just heterosexuals who don't wear women's jeans.
"culturally aware hipster ideal"? Good god. Kill yourself you fuckin tool.
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Recycling your comments, eh, Trey?
Fuck off and eat shit.
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What I find so funny is how all of these idiot midwestern hipsters just don't quite get that you can't chain your bike up places overnight. that shit will get robbed, pissed on or otherwise fucked with. This is NYC and no matter how much you would like to remake it into whatever shithole suburban Ohio town you come from it still isnt safe. I grew up here, never in a million years would I not take my bike up to my apartment. You know why? I am not a naive idiot.
This also reminds me of how hipsters are clueless when it comes to interacting with the NYC' latino or black thugs. They live in some ideal fantasy world where nobody sees race. Then they get their asses mugges because they look like pussies.
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Hey man FUCK YOU!
So now the only thugs in NYC are black and latino????
WFT racist motherfukka
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Wow Taffey, defensive much? If you read what was written you will see that all I said was that it is amusing to see the white suburban hipsters try to interact with the black and latino thugs. I will try to explain this a little further, white hipsters try to pretend they are down with the poor minorities. They think they can understand their troubles when they clearly can't and then eventually get fucked with. White hipsters however look down on white thugs as idiots. Their liberal "anti racist" mindset can't grasp white thugs. They have a sort of reverse racism that gets them into trouble. As a native NYer I try to stay away from all thugs and generally know how to act in their presence.
So in closing, there are thugs of all races in NYC.
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No Mark. Racist much??? You said some fucked up racist shit...check yourself. Stop trying to wiggle out of it.
LOve,
Taf
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Nothing I said was racist. You really aren't very bright are you?
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Look RACIST FUCKFACE MARK your shit is wrong you know it so stop tryin to step to me with some lame ass justifiKKKation. Your original post speaks for itself. Your second cya post is nowhere near the original. If you really meant to say what you did in #2, why didn't you just say that??? DO NOT try that racial profiling shit here. No one is buying it. Do not try to attack my intelligence because I called you out on your shit. YOUR LAME POST CAME OUT WRONG. APPOLOGIZE AND LEAVE IT ALONE.
Fuck you,
Taf..that's Dr. Taffey Dollar to you Guiliani Mark
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My second post had to spell it out to you in very simple terms. Because you really don't get life, you have to have things said to you very simply. Referring to people by their ethnicities does not make one racist. Yet again, nothing I said was racist, you just are not very smart.
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c'mon guys, kiss and make up. Embrace the thing you both have in common... being annoyed by douchebag hipsters.
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Dear Guiliani Mark,
Whine all you want..the more you do, the more you out yourself.
Fuck you,
Taf
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http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/29/us/29bar.html?_r=1&hp&oref=slogin
Yeah, Guiliani Mark...that shit is not funny.
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Guiliani for President!!!
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Lighten up Taffey, you saying there aren't black and latino thugs in this city? Most of the motha fuckas who try and take my shit are black or latino, is that racism or an observation? By the way, I'm not white so don't throw that shit in my face - guiliani sucks by the way.
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Dear BrklynSteve,
If you don't like Guiliani, then you should defly remember what happened to Abner Louima, Amadou Diallo & Sean Bell. That kinda Guiliani logic got these innocent men killed and maimed.
Love, Taf
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The ignorant anti-hipster ranters on here would like to have you believe that their hated of hipsters is based on the perception that hipsters are responsible for gentrification and rent increases. The idea that hipsters are solely responsible for gentrification is already highly debatable. Intelligent discourse would tell you that the root causes of gentrification are multi-factorial, and include greedy developers and landlords, our capitalistic economic system, as well as whoever might moving into a gentrifying neighborhood to feed into the system...hipster or not. In fact, gentrification also takes place in neighborhoods that don't have a high hipster populations at all. An example of this would be the expansion of Columbia University into "Manhattanville" in West Harlem (http://lawprofessors.typepad.com/property/2006/05/columbias_manha.html). Clearly there is more to gentrification than just hipsters alone. Anti-hipster sentiment based on gentrification is not only misplaced and misguided, but is really a manifestation of deeper psychological issues.
An interesting observation on these anti-hipster ranters are their failed attempts to hijack online "hipster blogs" with their incoherent babble. These blogs often document various cultural activities in the city, and upon closer inspection of pictures therein, you'll find many people who don't fit a hipster stereotype at all, but are all thoroughly enjoying themselves. Of course, anti-hipster ranters still shout "hipster" at anyone and everyone they don't agree with. If you own an Ipod, they will call you "hipster". If you've ever gone to Starbucks, they will call you "hipster". If you are a freelancer and have your own work hours, they will call you "hipster". If you own any clothing from a thrift store or have edgy urban fashion sensibilities, they will call you "hipster". If you listen to bands on an indie record label, they will call you "hipster". If your hair is a little messy or scruffy, they wil call you "hipster". If you drink cheap beer like PBR, they will call you "hipster". If you are vegan, they will call you "hipster". If you simply exist, they will call you "hipster".
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Social attitudes and fashion trends that were revived over 15 years ago by creative types in Williamsburg have now been re-established into the mainstream and are gaining popularity at an exponential rate, in part due to the rise of the internet and various online social networking and photo-blog sites. Everyone from college students to investment bankers are adopting elements of hipsterism, to some degree, in one form or another these days. In a sense, the hipsters have won as they have successfully "hipsterized" modern day sensibilities. "Hipsters" are out partying, enjoying life, meeting new friends, and probably getting laid while the anti-hipster hate mongerers are sitting alone behind their computer screens resenting anyone else out there who is out having fun. I'm pretty sure the group of people they label "hipsters" would much rather prefer doing whatever they're doing, than to switch places with the anti-hipster ranters on here. Hipsters represent a significant fraction of the under-30 population in this city who enjoy keeping up with the latest in nightlife, music, art, and culture.
What does this all really mean? Anti-hipster sentiment is really based on a resentment of people who have healthier and more fulfilling social lives. Judging from their comments, a lot of anti-hipster sentiment evidently comes from "tough guy" non-intellectual homophobic macho types who feel that the more sensitive, intelligent, physically slimmer, and culturally aware hipster ideal threatens their insecure sense of masculinity. At some point in their lives they probably got mocked and ridiculed, or even had beer poured all over their heads, by some downtown girl with a tattoo (aka "hipster") after trying to pull some lame move on them. If you think about it, in some ways the entire hipster revolution came about to mock and ridicule such people and their mentalities. It's not about meat and muscle anymore. Anti-hipster sentiment often comes from people who simply can't keep up with social change and are envious of those who can. Remember...you can always rate the amount of insecurity someone has by the amount they rant about hipsters.
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"If you own an Ipod, they will call you "hipster". If you've ever gone to Starbucks, they will call you "hipster". If you are a freelancer and have your own work hours, they will call you "hipster". If you own any clothing from a thrift store or have edgy urban fashion sensibilities, they will call you "hipster". If you listen to bands on an indie record label, they will call you "hipster". If your hair is a little messy or scruffy, they wil call you "hipster". If you drink cheap beer like PBR, they will call you "hipster". If you are vegan, they will call you "hipster". If you simply exist, they will call you "hipster"."
Congrats!!!! You're finally starting to understand the follow the leader lifestyle and attitude these transplants (such as yourself) are bringing the now semi-wonderful borough of Brooklyn. Fuck off ironic boy.
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The hipsters have won as they have successfully "hipsterized" modern day sensibilities. Hipsterism is now the new mainstream. "Hipsters" are out partying, enjoying life, meeting new friends, and probably getting laid while the anti-hipster hate mongerers are sitting alone behind their computer screens resenting anyone else out there who is out having fun. I'm pretty sure the group of people they label "hipsters" would much rather prefer doing whatever they're doing, than to switch places with the anti-hipster ranters on here. Hipsters represent a significant fraction of the under-30 population in this city who enjoy keeping up with the latest in nightlife, music, art, and culture.
Anti-hipster sentiment is really based on a resentment of people who have healthier and more fulfilling social lives. Judging from their comments, a lot of anti-hipster sentiment evidently comes from "tough guy" non-intellectual homophobic macho types who feel that the more sensitive, intelligent, physically slimmer, and culturally aware hipster ideal threatens their insecure sense of masculinity. At some point in their lives they probably got mocked and ridiculed, or even had beer poured all over their heads, by some downtown girl with a tattoo (aka "hipster") after trying to pull some lame move on them. If you think about it, in some ways the entire hipster revolution came about to mock and ridicule such people and their mentalities. It's not about meat and muscle anymore. Anti-hipster sentiment often comes from people who simply can't keep up with social change and are envious of those who can. Remember...you can always rate the amount of insecurity someone has by the amount they rant about hipsters.
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Dear Diehipster,
Congratulations! your site seems to be working ovvvertime to piss hipster assholes way the fuck off. You alone have inspired Trey Shitstain, et al to write his lame pro-hipster manifesto and post it continuously here and on craig's list. This dude just can't stop. He obviously feels so threatened he must spend all his time reposting the same shit every 5 minutes. He probly doesn't even have time for lameass bands, (Dan Deacon misses you, Trey) kickball or meathook tug of war. No, he's gotta stay home and read your site and repost his shit....Wow! you WON....you have majorly fucked over that guy and flipped his lid. His Ritalin can't fix that shit now!
RIP trey diarreha fingers, annonymous ass..I know mommie didn't prepare you for public rejection....
Love,
Taf
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PBR sucks, and so do faggots. Accuse me of being a hater all you want.
I hate hipsters for all the reasons mentioned above, and some more of my very own.
Living in Portland Oregon will make you want to bash hipsters in the head with baseball bats (welcome to D.F., skinny faggots).
I'm soooo tired of people who aren't from here telling the rest of us what our city is about. Fuck you, you repugnant wannabe cock smoking hipster girl-men.
A freind of mine defines posers as people who pose as something that they are not. I define a poser as "one who poses".
Maybe we should just point out that the tight jeans make you look fat, there muffin-top.
Yes, the massive rent increases here in this area ARE a function of these worthless undereducated art-fags (stop trying to sell your lib arts degree as an education). As for me, Ive stopped made sure to institute a no-hipster policy at work. I will not hire, or keep employed anyone with a sleeve of tattoos, or black jeans.
How do you like me now? I can't wait for all those kids to spend there retirement money on tattoo removal someday. If only you could remove the queer experimentation of your youth as easily, huh?
This is what you want, isn't it? You want to stand out so that people notice what a hip-cat you are, right? Don't you want people to hate you? Seems that way to us (actual portlanders).
Were just giving you what you paid for.
You should go back to california.
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