Google Search: How do I get out of a locked bar Answer: Leave Brooklyn you douchebag.
Posted by diehipster at 6/9/2008 3:43 PM and is filed under uncategorized 
Thanks to fan Mike T. for emailing me this story.
Do most Harvard graduates move to Bed-Stuy Brooklyn, and roomate with poseur DJ's and get locked in bars accidentally overnight?
Probably not, but this hipster did. Meet Kyle Hausmann, a paralegal who just loves the out of place North Brooklyn bar and lounge scene. Yeah baby! Kyle got so plastered that he went to the bathroom at 4:30am, fell asleep, and ended up getting locked in until one of the owners came in the following morning.
He didn't panic as this was probably just a publicity stunt or he just wanted to tell a good story to all his Joshes back home to entice them to come to his recently discovered great new borough of Brooklyn. Anyway, after checking all the doors, which were locked, he did the obvious thing that anybody would do. No, not call 911.....he took out his trusty internet ready phone and Googled: "what to do if you get locked in a bar". To his surprise, there were no answers.
Congrats Kyle, you got a good education, you moved to Bed-Stuy, displaced a family by having Daddy triple pay for rent, got locked in a bar (every hipsters dream), made the New York Times and made Brooklyn a better place for all!
Here is the link to the New York Times Story:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/09/nyregion/09bar.html?_r=1&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss%3Cbr%20/%3E&oref=slogin
He's a Harvard graduate and he works as a paralegal. This certainly shatters your trust-fund hipster stereotype. How does he even qualify as a "hipster" then? Oh I know...
Anti-hipster ranters shout "hipster" at anyone and everyone they don't agree with. If you own an Ipod, they will call you "hipster". If you've ever gone to Starbucks, they will call you "hipster". If you are a freelancer and have your own work hours, they will call you "hipster". If you own any clothing from a thrift store or have edgy urban fashion sensibilities, they will call you "hipster". If you listen to bands on an indie record label, they will call you "hipster". If your hair is a little messy or scruffy, they wil call you "hipster". If you drink cheap beer like PBR, they will call you "hipster". If you are vegan, they will call you "hipster". If you simply exist, they will call you "hipster".
What does this all really mean? Anti-hipster sentiment is really based on a resentment of people who have healthier and more fulfilling social lives. Judging from their comments, a lot of anti-hipster sentiment evidently comes from "tough guy" non-intellectual homophobic macho types who feel that the more sensitive, intelligent, physically slimmer, and culturally aware hipster ideal threatens their insecure sense of masculinity. At some point in their lives they probably got mocked and ridiculed, or even had beer poured all over their heads, by some downtown girl with a tattoo (aka "hipster") after trying to pull some lame move on them. If you think about it, in some ways the entire hipster revolution came about to mock and ridicule such people and their mentalities. It's not about meat and muscle anymore. Anti-hipster sentiment often comes from people who simply can't keep up with social change and are envious of those who can. Remember...you can always rate the amount of insecurity someone has by the amount they rant about hipsters.
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Because he is a freakn' Harvard graduate and works as a paralegal, that qualifies him. He might as well be working in fukn' Mickeydees.
Stop cut n' pasting this crap it is very tiresome.
"What does this all really mean? Anti-hipster sentiment is really based on a resentment of people who have healthier and more fulfilling social lives. Judging from their comments, a lot of anti-hipster sentiment evidently comes from "tough guy" non-intellectual homophobic macho types who feel that the more sensitive, intelligent, physically slimmer, and culturally aware hipster ideal threatens their insecure sense of masculinity. At some point in their lives they probably got mocked and ridiculed, or even had beer poured all over their heads, by some downtown girl with a tattoo (aka "hipster") after trying to pull some lame move on them. If you think about it, in some ways the entire hipster revolution came about to mock and ridicule such people and their mentalities. It's not about meat and muscle anymore. Anti-hipster sentiment often comes from people who simply can't keep up with social change and are envious of those who can. Remember...you can always rate the amount of insecurity someone has by the amount they rant about hipsters."
What does it mean anyway? What is a culturally aware hipster anyway, a hipster with a subscription to the Met or one that uses deodorant?
“If you think about it, in some ways the entire hipster revolution came about to mock and ridicule such people and their mentalities.”
Hipster revolution? You mock people and get bent out of shape when people mock you back? GO FUCK YOURSELF!
"What does this all really mean? Anti-hipster sentiment is really based on a resentment of people who have healthier and more fulfilling social lives. Judging from their comments, a lot of anti-hipster sentiment evidently comes from "tough guy" non-intellectual homophobic macho types who feel that the more sensitive, intelligent, physically slimmer, and culturally aware hipster ideal threatens their insecure sense of masculinity. At some point in their lives they probably got mocked and ridiculed, or even had beer poured all over their heads, by some downtown girl with a tattoo (aka "hipster") after trying to pull some lame move on them. If you think about it, in some ways the entire hipster revolution came about to mock and ridicule such people and their mentalities. It's not about meat and muscle anymore. Anti-hipster sentiment often comes from people who simply can't keep up with social change and are envious of those who can. Remember...you can always rate the amount of insecurity someone has by the amount they rant about hipsters."
What does it mean anyway? What is a culturally aware hipster anyway? A hipster with a subscription to the Met or one that uses deoderant?
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Hey Parasucko,
Guess what? You don't even need to come to NYC anymore to meet Hipsters.
Some bunch of corporate shills invented a "Second Life" type of game where you live in the Lower East Side of Manhattan and meet lots of cool Hipsters.
Now you Midwestern rednecks don't have to leave home anymore. (hint hint)
http://vles.com/
http://gawker.com/news/the-internet-sucks/virtual-lower-east-side-also-full-of-idiots-268924.php
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Hey there, my aunt is very bright and a paralegal. Just b/c you graduated from Harvard does not imply that you are in fact smart, as evidenced by this story.
I saw this on gawker yesterday, but if you read the article, he called friends via the cell, and later googled from a laptop he found in the DJ booth, not via his phone.
Starbucks - I'm going to take a gander here, but I'll go with one that uses deodorant.
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The article also states he is a "Too Sweet Guy".
Translation: He went to Harvard, has money up the yazoo, and will make a nice future husband for some tatooed Hipster BUG (Bisexual Until Graduation) girl some day. Also: immune from prosecution, regardless of size of drug stash.
If he was Black they would have called the cops, found his drug stash (planted one if none already there), and he'd be in Sing-Sing already.
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Another GW Bush in the making.
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I call bullshit on his story. That sort of stunt has been making the news for years. I remember the guy who managed to get himself locked into the Billy Bob's in Houston for a week back in the Eighties: amazingly, after he realized that he was locked in on a Sunday night and the bar wouldn't officially open again until the next Friday, he never noticed the pay phone but noticed the bar and drank himself stupid for the next five days. Even more interestingly, this guy claimed that he was trying to get out, but somehow managed to miss, or hide from, the five beer and liquor deliveries made during his voluntary incarceration. When the manager came back and officially opened, only then did he stand up and say that he'd been trapped after the manager caught him in the bar.
Oh, I'll bet Kyle was accidentally locked in: in fact, I'll bet he hid in the ceiling over the restroom for hours to make sure that it happened. You're trying to tell me that a standard neighborhood bar, about the size of an old-style telephone booth, would close up and just happen to forget to check the john for drunks? I have friends who've worked for bars for years, and my youngest brother works a bar in Manhattan, and they'd be fired without hesitation if they'd slipped that badly. If the place was on fire, I understand, but I figure that this Harvard douche found a really good hiding space and waited until everyone else assumed that the place was empty and locked up.
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Oh Come On!
What kind of a member of the new youth demographic could POSSIBLY resist being locked up alone with a truckload of Pabst???
Redneck...uh Hipster Heaven.
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And I call bullshit on New York Times journalism for publishing this bullshit story in the first place.
Seriously, If he wasn't a white preppie they would have called the cops for trespassing and he would be sitting in Rikers for 20 years.
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He is a Hipster, that means he was a black man born rich and white. That justifies the reason why its ok for him to move into a black community and raise rent. He is just going back to where he belongs and gentrification is his fathers (the man) fault for paying his way. He is part of the holy hipster trinity, praise be he and to Obama and the Holy Homosexual Spirit
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I don't understand your allusion to Obama and the "homosexual" spirit, his political party isn't the one that keeps appearing in the news for that type of thing.
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Did anyone ever notice how much Hipsters seem to hate Italian Americans. Our loser friend who posts that stupid essay every day seems to hate them most. I think he is jealous of them because their better looking and stronger. I also think he has a bit of penis envy because I hear that the average Hipster penis is about 1 inch long and 2 centimeters thick. No wonder the Hipster girls are always messed up on drugs, they probably never had an orgasm before.
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"Italian" anything is never mentioned in the posts you refer to. Read them again carefully. It is actually YOU who assumes "tough-guy non-intellectual homophobic macho types" refers to Italian Americans, when it could refer to anybody. You're the one with the problem here when it comes to racist stereotypes.
Remember...you can always rate the amount of insecurity someone has by the amount they rant about hipsters.
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I like how that pro-hipster pulls one article out of his ass on gentrification. He doesn't pull out an academic article, and most show that hipsters and yuppies are the causes of gentrification.
That pro-hipster douche thinks us normmies hate social change? We just hate snobbery, and people with fake street cred.
By the way, i'm skinny, can think for myself, and i'm far from being hyper-macho, and i'm secure with myself. It sounds like YOU are the one who is insecure because when you're challenged, you keep giving us the same bullcrap ad infinitum, and many others have refuted your arguments on anti-hipsters.
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You want something more academic? Searching "causes of gentrification" in Google pulls up this University of Wisconsin paper as the first hit:
http://comm-org.wisc.edu/papers2000/gentrify/contents.htm
Read it in detail, or at least look at the flow chart in the first chapter if you're smart enough to do that. You'll see that that causes of gentrification are multi-factorial, where the root causes are NOT because of the wealthier people who move in to a new neighborhood. That is merely just a symptom of deeper underlying social issues. It's funny how you just keep believing what you'd like to believe, which only validates what I've been saying all along. You're a meathead...if not by appearance then by mentality.
Anti-hipster sentiment is really based on a resentment of people who have healthier and more fulfilling social lives. Judging from their comments, a lot of anti-hipster sentiment evidently comes from "tough guy" non-intellectual homophobic macho types who feel that the more sensitive, intelligent, physically slimmer, and culturally aware hipster ideal threatens their insecure sense of masculinity. At some point in their lives they probably got mocked and ridiculed, or even had beer poured all over their heads, by some downtown girl with a tattoo (aka "hipster") after trying to pull some lame move on them. If you think about it, in some ways the entire hipster revolution came about to mock and ridicule such people and their mentalities. It's not about meat and muscle anymore. Anti-hipster sentiment often comes from people who simply can't keep up with social change and are envious of those who can. Remember...you can always rate the amount of insecurity someone has by the amount they rant about hipsters.
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University of Wisconsin???????????? HAHAHAHA
You just proved one of our valid points. We understand that you'll never understand. Welcome to New York.
Now go spend the rest of your time left in NYC doing what you always do. Sitting on Craigslist and this site 24/7/365 pasting the same two paragraphs.
You clueless cocksucking robotic bastard hipster.
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It's simply the first academic article that comes up on google. If you have enough intellect to investigate, you'll see many other articles from many other academic institutions that reach a similar conclusion. You can face the facts or you can just keep believing what you'd like to believe, which only validates what I've been saying all along. You're a meathead...if not by appearance then by mentality.
Anti-hipster sentiment is really based on a resentment of people who have healthier and more fulfilling social lives. Judging from their comments, a lot of anti-hipster sentiment evidently comes from "tough guy" non-intellectual homophobic macho types who feel that the more sensitive, intelligent, physically slimmer, and culturally aware hipster ideal threatens their insecure sense of masculinity. At some point in their lives they probably got mocked and ridiculed, or even had beer poured all over their heads, by some downtown girl with a tattoo (aka "hipster") after trying to pull some lame move on them. If you think about it, in some ways the entire hipster revolution came about to mock and ridicule such people and their mentalities. It's not about meat and muscle anymore. Anti-hipster sentiment often comes from people who simply can't keep up with social change and are envious of those who can. Remember...you can always rate the amount of insecurity someone has by the amount they rant about hipsters.
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Get mugged yet you fag?
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"Fag" is the best you can do? You just play right into my hands again. A lot of anti-hipster sentiment evidently comes from "tough guy" non-intellectual homophobic macho types who feel that the more sensitive, intelligent, physically slimmer, and culturally aware hipster ideal threatens their insecure sense of masculinity. At some point in their lives they probably got mocked and ridiculed, or even had beer poured all over their heads, by some downtown girl with a tattoo (aka "hipster") after trying to pull some lame move on them. If you think about it, in some ways the entire hipster revolution came about to mock and ridicule such people and their mentalities. It's not about meat and muscle anymore. Anti-hipster sentiment often comes from people who simply can't keep up with social change and are envious of those who can. Remember...you can always rate the amount of insecurity someone has by the amount they rant about hipsters.
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Get mugged yet douchebag?
How's that fag?
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1.Trey, stop copying and pasting the same thing ad nauseum, it's annoying.
2.Ok, I will admit hipsters are not the sole cause of gentrification. Of course, everything is NOT because of one cause. There are more variables involved in the universe. Also, there is a difference between yuppie gentrification, and hipster artist gentrification.
In the bay area, housing is expensive, therefore REGULAR MIDDLE CLASS JOE WHO WANTS TO GET A HOUSE cannot afford a house in san francisco because it's expensive to live in a richer area like the bay area. He might not be hip like a hipster or yuppie, but ends up gentrifying the neighborhood because of his education. In this case, because the bay area was THE place to go to get a job in the dot com business, everyone from everywhere wanted to go here, the weather is always good, it's a nice place in general. Because of the demand, prices for housing went up. Ok, this is not an example of hipster gentrification, but the prices were raised as a result of the economy happening here. I really can't blame some yuppies because of the situation in the bay area. Could they just live in some suburb in the bay area like say Alameda instead of gentrifying another neighborhood? Yeah, but thanks to San Francisco traffic, expensive suburban housing, and the fact that the BART (bay area version of the subway) sucks, waking up at 4 am to get to work at 8 am sucks.
Then you have hipsters. Many come from the midwest where it's way cheaper to get housing there, or maybe they are from the area but have an affinity for the counter culture. These are the biggest dipshits there are. They hate how people are sheeple, yet they are the biggest sheep there are. They are part of a punk band, and hate other punks because they aren't real working class, yet they are middle class themselves. They call themselves artists, but they draw stuff that five year olds make and call it art. They engage in heavy intellectualism, but all they know are a bunch of fancy words. They love minorities, but they can quite possibly be driving minorities out of their neighborhood. They love drugs, and hate the government's war against drugs, and btw, love peace and the environment. They buy their drugs from gangs, and since drugs aren't legal and aren't regulated, farms that grow coke and weed are ruining the environment they grow on since they aren't being regulated. They pretend thay're poor, yet they are educated. That's why people hate hipsters.
Also, basic logic says that you cannot conclude that ALL people who hate hipsters are meat head homohphobes, and though there were comments like that here, you cannot say ALL people who hate hipsters are like that. You call people who hate hipsters against social change. That's not true. Maybe a lot of us meet many women/men and are attractive. You just can't make a conclusion here bro.
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