Now this is a story of a real Pabst Blue Ribbon drinker.

This is not some 21-35 year old hipster roughing it in Brooklyn in a $2000+ apartment. This is not  some douche with the accidental beard  telling three different people in one day, his three different professions (artist, musician, or writer). This is not some scrawny, un-bathed fuck who plays kickball or started playing guitar at age 26 or takes the L Train back and forth from Williamsburg to Union Square 10 times a day and accomplishes nothing.

In the New York Post there was a very small article about a 67 year old Midwestern man who ordered his casket or coffin to be in the shape of a PBR can, his favorite beer. Being that he's not ready to die, he's been filling it with ice and cans of PBR. If this story is true, which I think it is, it can show the douchebags who are taking a 2-5 year vacation in New York how this guy in Illinois is NOT ironic. He's the real thing. The transplants on the other hand ARE being ironic. We don't like irony here, have you not gotten the picture? Don't tell me that four years of college didn't at least teach you that you don't spend $1000 too much for rent to be cool and then sacrifice by drinking PBR. Oh, you struggling former Midwestern mall rats, you!

Click here: PBR Coffin- NY Post Article

Room Available May 1st.
$1100. N.3/Bedford, Williamsburg Bk.
Upon move in $1100 for security & first month rent.

About the Apartment:
Our home is a about a 1200sq ft loft that has been converted into a 5 bedroom Wonder World. All the rooms are approximately the same size and shape. That being about 12ft by 10ft. The ceilings are very high and perfect for a loft bed or some sort of overhead compartment. None of the bedrooms have a window except for one, which is the room for rent – The window is huge and can be opened to let that fresh summer breeze off the East River in. There is also a large back wall of windows that faces Metropolitan that is pretty awesome.
The building has the best roof in New York City. There are multiple levels and areas to get a summer BBQ going, lay out and tan, chat on the phone, or meet a neighbor. I must say we have actually even camped out there. There is also an amazing view of the Manhattan skyline. The building has four entrances and exits. One on Bedford (Above pharmacy, vintage store, and Bagel Store), 2 on N. 3 and one on N. 4 (by San Loco). The apartment building is full of units and many neighbors to meet and greet. Some are cool, some are not, some want to be cool, some are fun, some are attractive, and some are douche bag kids that we forbid in our home. There is one bathroom and one kitchen that we all collectively work at keeping clean, neat, organized and pretty. The front living room is designed for a communal vibe, and the occasional friend to entertain, have dinner, read a book, and check your myspace. The back room is an ever-changing office arrangement. The apartment is heated in the winter and air conditioned in the summer. There is a nice 24 hour laundry mat directly below the one flight walk up apartment. We are working on getting wireless Internet, that will be already included in your rent.
The rent is paid by check or money order only to the landlord. The rent is collected in an envelope - sealed and all five checks are delivered in one package to the landlord by the 5th of the month. NO IF ANDS OR BUTS. Failure to meet rent by the 5th of the month 2 times will cause handing you a check with your deposit and a swift kick in the ass out of our home. We do not play games when it comes to bills.

About Your Roommates:
We are 3 straight guys approaching mid twenties; 2 are DJ’s, 1 is a student. We are social people that laugh and have fun together very often. We are always polite and respectful to each other. We are out going and always leave our personal issues away from the communal vibe of the house. We communicate very well and always respectfully discuss our likes and dislikes about the apartments and each other involving the apartment. We all have busy lives and often need a creative quiet work vibes in the house. We all have personal lives that involve the opposite sex; we spend as much time out of the house with our respected ladies as we do in the house. We try to maintain noise late hours in the night out of respect for each other. We are friends. We occasionally have house guests, parents over, business meetings and dinners. Being that we realize we live with 5 people we try to keep out of each others way at times.

About You:
You are fucking awesome. You are the housemate anyone would want. You have conversations with your housemates as well as have your own personal life out side of us. You laugh at jokes, have a great sense of humor but are not fake, flakey, full of shit, or pretend. You already know how great the neighborhood is and have friends you see all the time around the way. You are a girl or guy with a great sense of personal care. You make nasty in the bathroom you light incense. You make mac n’ cheese you do the dishes and maybe even the single cup the person before you left behind. You have a passion for something creative that you honestly peruse. You don’t say you are a writer, you have 6 chapters done and working on number 7. You don’t say you are a painter, you have awesome art that your housemates love to see and talk about. You are open to new ideas, music, people, foods, and art. You don’t have any pets. You don’t have some dependant boyfriend or girlfriend that is always sitting on our couch and eating my cereal. You are trustworthy, respectful, honest, and neat. At least neat in common areas. You shower, wear deodorant, brush your teeth, do laundry and even bust out the broom and murder some dust bunnies. You are not a couch potato.
You have a handful of awesome friends that are respectful and nice to your housemates also. Your friends don’t come over to often and they and you ask if someone can sleep on the couch. You do not use drugs. You do not lie and say you don’t drugs then actually do. Trust me we will find out if you do. I repeat you do not have some sketchy delivery guy dropping off little white bags of death at 6 in the morning at my home with a few asshole friends. You do occasionally smoke some greens and share with your roommates. Occasionally not excessively. You are not whiney. You are not gossipy. Your are not a slut, you are not a douche bag. You work a job or two. You have a job with perks we can all use. You pay attention to sound and alarms. Your are over all CONSIDERATE ABOUT THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU. You do not smoke cigarettes in our home. You use apple computers and read vice magazine. You are not too old, you are not too young. You are not a drama king or drama queen. You are not an asshole.
And you think this apartment sounds like the best place for you.

Inquiries:
Send us a link to your myspace or facebook so we can get a better idea about your personality.

The next time you find yourself poring over Neutral Milk Hotel bootlegs at the local record shop, or pretending to be into the latest psych/avant/free-folk/what-the-fuck-ever outfit to crop up, whilst ironically drinking PBR's, wearing skinny jeans and dingy white v-necks (neckerchief optional), meticulously maintaining the perfect level of scruff on your neckbeard, and name dropping bands that no one has heard of (for good reason), please keep in mind that you are a plight on society, with your pretentious,condescending attitudes and pseudo-intellectual ways. Please leave the once vibrant ethnic neighborhoods you destroyed with your faux dive bars and galleries that house feeble attmepts at true art, and jump into the east river like the lemmings you are.

Reply to: pers-649375649@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-04-20, 1:37PM EDT


Hipsters come in two types. The dirty scumbags and the overdressed. They are generally spoiled brats and fall into three categories. One is the trust funder. The other is the hard working artist who pays too much of their earnings toward rent to live in a hip area. The last is a combination of both. The latter is the most common. There's this myth that trust funders have an endless supply of cash at their disposal. Couldn't be further from the truth. The truth is they go through that cash fast and most of them will end up back home in Idaho working at the local farm. Those who make it through the initial splurge fest realize how tough it can be to live in the big city with the big costs. I can't tell you how many of these pricks I have come across and how many new ones take their place. It's like army ants. They come in to NY drive up prices only to be a victim of their own making and go back to the midwest or wherever they come from. The life span of a hipster is usually 3 years. Sadly someone always take their place. God I hate these fucking spoiled little rats who only care about how they look and who they hang out with.

Hipster Dipshits (Harper's fairys)

RE: Hipster Dipshits (Harper's fairys) (skinny jeans)

Re: hipster dipshits (Bike Path to the afterlife)

 Yes spring is here. The weather is getting warmer as you read this. It's getting to the point where the hipsters must pull their scarves and wool hats out of their closets. Us natives can't even begin to understand why the hipster does this. The only logical answer is once again, IRONY. A word that has no meaning anymore thanks to the hipster.

So remember, as we begin to approach the scorching hot days of summer in the city and you start looking for the lightest most comfortable clothes you can find to wear, rest assured that tons of ironic poseurs will be trying to match their scarves and wool hats with their $150 pre-paint stained pants and shoes.

1 bedroom available in loft building with roof access. the building is huge. one block from L train morgan stop, 3 from montrose. bodega on street, coffee shop in apt building. 15 to union sq. totally safe neighborhood. bedroom has one wall that is all windows. apt is small, 3 people live here now, we are looking to fill the 4th bedroom. we dont have parties due to the size of the apt, we also dont have people over much for the same reason. preferably looking for someone who isn't home alot. we are all nice and easy going, 2 guys one girl. we are looking for a non-dramatic person, doesnt listen to techno. huguenots will receive preferential treatment. require one months rent and one mo. sec dep to move in. want someone by april 1st. we dont watch tv. we don't have any of the hepatitis's. we do eat meat. we don't like the neighbors across the street who play loud techno music. doing drugs is ok, but having people over who do drugs is not. we all go to bed around 12 or 1 and wake up between 7 and 9. we VERY much prefer someone who does not need to shower before 10:00 am. That may be the most important thing, to not shower before 10:00 am.
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Ok, lets break this pathetic hipster posting down. I've made the keywords in bold:

loft building- what else would the hip starving artist live in?
roof access- a place you might go if mommy or daddy don't send you any more money or, to see an indie rooftop film
L train- c'mon MTA, just change it to the H train already.
coffee shop- a place to sit in for hours with a mac or obscure book to look cool
union sq- the hipster cut off between northern and southern Manhattan. hipster do not go north of it.
we dont have parties- but we sure attend a lot of them
someone who isn't home a lot- that sure will make the potential renter feel all warm and cozy
non-dramatic- but what if im a performance artist? there is a 33% chance that i am
techno- ok, i wont use my 18" speakers, what if i contain it to my i-pod headphones and lock myself in my room?
huguenots- you mean you guys are also French Calvinists of the 16th or 17th centuries like I am???
we dont watch tv- like totally man, TV = bad  Rooftop indie films = good
don't have hepatitis's- well what do you have?
do eat meat- thanks for letting me know, this is definitely something us hipsters have to know before we spend time with each other
doing drugs ok but not with others- hey i totally understand, you worked hard for your coke, meth and shrooms. no mooching allowed
go to sleep at 1am and wake up at 9am- ahhhhh don't we have the life? don't we?
no showering before 10am- dude, like showering is so 20th century, how else do you think I get my hair to look like this?